No news is bad news.

At least not when it comes to writing my blog. I have to admit, I've been a bit of a slacker on the writing front lately. However, Rob came home for R&R, which allows a reprieve from writing. Then I went to California to visit my brother. While I did write a bit on the plane, it wasn't enough to make up for the lost month or so. Oh well.

Rob began to read my novel, he was interested, but he asked to wait to finish it until he got home because it was sad. Which I agreed with and to. Sadly, he hadn't gotten to the saddest part. Question of the day (and yes I am looking for input) Can a book be too sad for too long, where no one will want to read it?

I have written a couple of short stories/poems in my in between time. It never seems like too much commitment to write a poem, but I'm sure they're all bad. At least that's what I think about poems after taking the poetry workshop in college. I thought poetry was open and broad and could be whatever you made it. My professor made it seem otherwise, and I could never get what he wanted. Why is what one person wants necessarily right anyway? Maybe my B poem to him would be and A+ to someone else. ?

I have found another conundrum in my story, which I swore I fixed already. The time issue. I found today as I was trying to figure out how old one of my characters was in relation to the other at a certain time that I was off by ten years in some places and five in other. For the record, I made a timeline to prevent this problem. Obviously it didn't work.

Writing and literary magazines

I write, a little bit of everything: poetry, a novel (in progress), short shorts, a blog (obviously), lists of all kinds, notes to myself, a lot of things I never finish, and I journal, but I think that was all fairly common knowledge. The problem is, I don't know what to do with anything after it's done. There are like a million literary magazines and I have no idea which ones are right for me. Online or print? Artsy or edu-ish? The problem is: I know what I like to read, and I like to read what I write, but is what I write like what I like to read? Sometime consider the fact that a lot of popular authors are published and become famous posthumously, that could be me, but then I shouldn't hold back so much when I write. Get it all out there, ya know? But I really want people to know me when I'm alive, like my writing, want to read it, can't wait for more. That brings me back to the problem I started with: where to submit?

3/4 the way done with a rough draft

At 42,400ish words, I am three fourths of the way done with draft 1 of my novel. It's about 155 typed pages. I have written it completely out of order; beginning with the middle, then end, next I wrote the beginning, and now I need the second half of the middle. Confusing? I hope not once it's all together. The next part is sure to be the most challenging because it is set in a place I have never been. Yikes! I began researching it the day before yesterday, and have already made some slight modifications to the location. The hard thing about setting a story in a real location is that the skeletal information needs to be accurate. With that said, my characters need to live in a house in a neighborhood that suits them. They need to act like transplants and then eventually come to know the restaurant that is all hype and go where the real good food is. I know that happened when we moved to the SAV area, we started out going to the places that got all the attention, but now have local favorites that tourists rarely know about. I have requested info from the visitors bureau of that city and look forward to my information. I do plan on making a trip there, but not until I know what I don't know that I need to know more clearly.

Chugging along

I'm happy to report that I have over 39,000 words written at this point. I have written about 2000 in the past two days. I need more days like this. I really want a rough draft done by the end of the year. It's all fitting together nicely and the only major road blocks I have are feeling what my characters are going through and not writing because I don't want to deal with bad things for them. I wonder if this is a common writer thing? Maybe some day I will know.

I found a genius way of studying vocabulary for the GRE. I have been helping out a friend bringing and picking her kid up from pre-school. This is a brave new world of mini-vans, suv's, mother's, and a plethora of children that I so don't fit in to. However, they do a pick up line that takes forever and a day to get through. In fact, getting in line ten minutes early only ensures that I will be at least fifteen cars back. So, I got smart last Thursday and brought my flashcards with me. I had nothing else to do during that time, so it was a HUGE success. I may just leave the flashcards in the car for good. Pre-school pick up = four days a week and if they're in there, traffic jams, accidents, red lights could all help me get in studying in otherwise wasted time when I would be rocking out to the radio (which is probably embarrassing, yet I so don't care).

In other news I thought of a genius way to put together a lot of my short stories into a book while I was about to take a nap earlier today. The main theme will be examining truth through a characters eyes, because as we all know in every story there is more than one truth depending on whose eyes the story is told through. The terrorist sees what they are doing as a noble act, the victim sees it as (dare I say) terrifying. While everyone won't agree with either perspective, it's the truth to someone.

Last thing of note pertaining to writing: I have officially set out on my quest to decide what my "critical" paper for getting into graduate school will be about. There are suggestions that candidates often revise papers that were written as an undergrad for this task. I have printed out three of the more likely choices to mull over. They are all hugely different, and they seem like I wrote them forever ago. (It was about four years ago, yikes!) So that will be fun . . .

In 2 Books

I have to give a shout out to a website called www.in2books.com. It's a pen pal program that matches students with e-mentors. The students get to pick the books they read, the mentors read the books, then they exchange emails about the books. I am an e-mentor for the first time and am really enjoying it. I just finished the first book, A Letter to Mrs. Roosevelt by C. Coco De Young. It was an engaging book, and I have already written a letter about it to my student. I realize this post isn't really about my writing, but reading helps writing and helping young people love and think about reading is important to me. It's a super easy way to volunteer and help a child and I am able to do it on my own time.

On another side note, I had a great time at Disney World and now have friends staying with me. It's actually been a very side tracked month, but I am settling into a schedule. Hopefully that will allow me to focus more on writing, and all of the other things I should be doing.

Trip to NY = SUCCESS

Well I haven't posted in a couple of weeks because I went up to NY to visit family.  It was nice to spend quality time with family, but I am glad to be back in my own bed, with a backyard for the dogs to go run around and relieve themselves in.  Walking them three to five times a day was getting a bit of a nuisance.  It is so much easier in the middle of the night to stumble out of bed in my nightdress, open the back door with my eyes half open and let them in the yard.  I will never live at a house without a fenced in yard. 

Getting to the good stuff:  why was my NY trip such a success?  One of the places my 'novel' is set is an old farm house outside Batavia, NY.  The house is largely based on my father-in-laws parents farm.  I never sat down to write about the house, but when I began thinking about where my character would live, I thought it was the perfect setting.  I have been to the farm a handful of times, but had not ever really studied it like I would need to in order to describe it.  I knew it was beautiful in a way I couldn't create, because I don't know much about architecture of old houses.  So, I did what any good writer would do, I asked my father-in-law if he would bring me up there and show me around.  It was better than I could have expected, he is very knowledgeable about the house, and antiques in general.  He let me snoop around the attic, basement, and barn.  He drove me around the property, so I could have a better picture of the land size and layout.  He answered questions I had about the house and gave me information I would have never thought to ask.  I took pictures for reference, since a sixteen hour drive every time I wanted to see the exterior would be a bit extreme.  I am really excited about the information I gained and the adventure I got to have with my father-in-law.  While I am sure, some things about the house or property may very well be modified in order to fit in with my character's personal preferences on style, overall it is perfectly quirky as is.

I did work some, albeit, not much, on the reformatting and writing of my 'novel' while I was in NY, but I really do need to get my butt in higher gear, since my goal of having a 'complete' first draft done by the end of the year will approach faster than I expect, I expect.  However, this weekend I am headed to Disney World (FOR FREE) thanks to my awesome cousin who works there currently. 

Note on names:  I try not to use names of people in my blog posts.  This is a personal preference to protect their privacy since anyone in the world could see this if they wanted to.  I do however occasionally give shout-outs to people who are 'public figures' when the information I am giving out is fairly common knowledge (ie:  author comes out with a new book). 

Oh, one more thing.  (Hey it's been two weeks, I have a lot to say.  Walden Books went out of business in my hometown (sad).  However, happy for me!  I got TWENTY books for FIVE dollars.  It was their last day of business and the selection was well picked over, there may have only been like 60 different books to choose from total with at least ten in Spanish.  With that said, I didn't look at them too much, and a couple of the books are in the process of being given to people who may appreciate them more than I.  One book is on the chopping block for recycling.  I normally love all books for what they are, however, this book can NEVER fall in the hands of one of my future children.  I thought it was a book of vegan recipes for children (and while I am not vegan I do eat food without meat/animal products sometimes).  However, when I got home and opened the book up, it was a children book promoting veganism. Which, in itself is fine, but it basically tells children that drinking milk (beyond babies) is unnecessary, and that shearing sheep for wool is cruel.  So the book must go. 

Dress for success

Most of today was spent doing completely non-literary functions, like steam cleaning the carpet - yuck. However, I knew I needed to get in the groove. I did pretty well over the weekend, which is amazing considering I flew to San Antonio for a girls weekend with a friend. However, being stuck in an airport waiting for a layover has it's perks. I wrote over 1,000 words on the way out, and over 900 on the way back home. Overall pretty solid work. Today is Wednesday and I hadn't touched it since. I have been concerned about Hurricane Irene, since I live fairly near the coast, and spent a bit of time preparing in case I needed to evacuate. Doesn't look like that will happen, but I do plan on going to NY next week anyway, so the packing was not in vain.

The obvious question is why is the title of this post, "Dress for success"? Well because that is how I motivated myself to write tonight. I dressed up how I would if I was going to the 'office' or if I was doing a press conference or promoting a book. May sound a bit silly, but it was motivational. I worked for a solid hour, reformatting, thinking, and (gasp) writing a bit. [On a side note, I was drinking one of those Starbucks frappuccino's you buy at the grocery store and dribbled it on my skirt - oh well]

The next question on your mind may be: Why are you reformatting? Does that mean you are done?

NO. I am not near done. However, I have 'flashbacks' in one file and the bulk of it in another, then POV of another character in another file, and in order to continue everything in a way that makes sense, it all needs to be melded together. Actually, as I reformat it, everything is becoming more clear. Things I knew fit together, but didn't know how, I am figuring out. I am really excited. Well I need to get up, stretch a bit, feed the dogs, then maybe . . . just maybe, write/reformat some more.


'Till next time.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

I have successfully put together my new desk system, minus one file cabinet (to be completed tomorrow). It's looking pretty cool, still needs a bit of organization, but I think once I finally get it all together and organized it will be the ideal space I wanted it to be.

Since my office is in a bit of a disarray, I brought my mini laptop with me to Panera Bread and wrote over 1000 words. It was nice. There weren't a lot of people there and I never realized it before, but they play a really chill mix of jazzy/blues that was not distracting but rather helpful. I think I may make it a weekly or biweekly thing. Change of scenery, change of pace, and good food!

Characters

As I mentioned the other day, I am reading the twilight saga: the official illustrated guide. I have now gotten a good deal way through the character bios, and I have to admit: I'm impressed. I'm not surprised, but I am intrigued because it's all character sketch and back story. It's what every (good) writer needs to know about their characters in order to be consistent. As I was writing today, I realized that this was exactly where I am lacking. My lack of taking the time to hash my characters out is getting me confused. However, as I stated to do this, I have come upon a whole new dilemma. I want my characters anchored in today's world. While it is not a historical fiction story by any stretch, I do want it to feel like it happened. I want the reader to look up a fact I use, and realize that it did in fact happen. This is one of the reasons I, along with millions of other people feel so in tune with The Twilight Saga as a whole. No, it's not because we have all had a romantic relationship with a vampire or been imprinted on by a werewolve. It's because Forks, Washington is a real place and the Quileute's are a real Native American Tribe. The more I dig, the more I hash out some of my characters who have not even made it into the narration yet, the harder it is. I know who they are, where they came from and how they did what they did, but I still digging for their cover story. I want that to seem real, be possible.

My brain

When I'm working on a story, I very often have to step away and let my characters to mature in my head. I have to figure out how to introduce a new character, how to structure a story, or what is missing. Sometimes it takes me a long time for the ideas to form, sometimes it doesn't. As long as it is an active project, the longer that I let it simmer in my head, the easier it is to write. I can develop a character in my head. I am doing it right now. I did this very act last night while reading, then as I fell asleep I realized that I needed to add chapters of my main characters husband's perspective into the mix. I always knew it was crucial for the audience to understand him, for me to understand his motivations. What I could never quite figure is how I was going to do it. This is perfect. I even know where his chapter groups will fit into in the larger story. I started the process of writing this out today. I got over 1,500 words into it. I am very excited. While I was writing about him, it is opening me up to other ideas about my main character as well. Overall, I'm super excited to see where this goes and hopefully it will all fit together as well as it does in my wishes.

Reading . . . about about writing

It is the most fantastic way to feel normal.

I recently purchased, the twilight saga: the official illustrated guide (yes I know I didn't capitalize the title, but it's not capitalized on the book) and the first sixty-five pages are an interview with Stephenie Meyer, the author of the series. I am embarrassed to say I almost skipped over it because I so want to know all the secrets about the vampires and the werewolves. I am sure glad I chose to read it. I am about halfway through it now and I am just so excited because she says things that ring true in so many ways. I had to get up and grab a pad of sticky notes to mark favorite quotes. I am sure I will share them in an upcoming blog post. However, what I am really excited about is how much information is overall packed into this book, that was crucial for Stephenie to write The Twilight Saga, but not necessarily in it. I think it's such a gift to share with fans of the series everything that was in her mind that made the stories and characters authentic.

Character authenticity is something I hold so close to my heart because I think it's the most important lesson I ever learned about writing. It's a cliche, you must have a "character driven plot", BUT it's also the key to an authentic story (something that seems real). It would be like if I suddenly bought a gun, anyone who knows me would immediately ask what happened to me to change my mind on guns. It would have to be some outward force that made me do it, and the weird part is, I cannot think of anything that would make me do such a thing. It's just simply not in my nature. Characters in books have to be the same way.

I think this is why I am currently struggling a bit with the story I am working on. I only have one main character, it is in her nature to stay to herself. How do I get another character in there, when she doesn't want a friend or a lover or anyone?

Answer: (yes I just came up with this) I am going to have to find someone from her world, whom she doesn't know yet, that needs her, or that pushes their way into her life for a purpose. She will eventually have to want them to be there, because she could simply run and hide (that would be in her nature). This person has to be compelling and possibly fleeting and elusive and intriguing to her. A simply persistently annoying person will not do. There is one character that she has met, but I am not sure he is the one who can bring her out into the world of the social. One thing is for sure: somehow, I need to include more characters in this story.

Story Time!

So, this evening I was craving a Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee and a donut (shutter). It's like a 25 minute drive to DD, so I wasn't sure it was worth it UNTIL I realized that Rob's truck deserved to be driven a bit farther than to the Post Office like 1 1/2 miles away. It had been raining earlier, but wasn't currently, so I hopped into the truck to go get my iced coffee (which would give me motivation to write). As I was driving, there was this ominous cloud one one side of the sky and the sun on the other, it started pouring over top of me, but the sun was still in my eyes. I had to keep my sunglasses on in order to see. After about 5 minutes of driving in the storm, I drove out of it just in time to get to DD! Once I was safely parked (seriously) I saw the rainbow! I <3 rainbows! I got my LARGE iced coffee :) and a sprinkled donut and got back in the truck. Yup, I had to drive back through the storm. As I began to drive, the sun was still in my face, and I was driving straight toward the rainbow! It actually looked like it touched the ground in the middle of the road, and I did in fact drive through it (sadly, there was no pot of gold). Craziest thing though, first: after having to stop at a stop light, the truck tires slid like I was on ice (which clearly I was not, as it is over 90 degrees). Then to make it all the crazier, the wind was super strong, like I could feel it pushing the truck while I drove down the road. However, the craziest thing is that I again drove out of the storm after about 5 minutes and never once had to walk out of the truck in the rain AND once I got out of the storm, the sky was blue blue. BEST PART: I have a large iced coffee! Ok, enough of the random, I will work on my real story now. Bye!

Formatting

No, I am nowhere near done, but figuring out an idea of how I will format this needs to happen pronto. I have all sorts of inserts and memories randomly written and have no idea where they will go or how I will insert them. I am playing around with that right now. It's also helping me fix some tense errors and such. This way, when I have written a complete thought, it won't simply be enough words to make a novel, but it will actually be a complete ROUGH draft. Ugh. Then the fun will really begin. That is a ways off though. I am definitely getting ahead of myself thinking about that. While working through the formatting, I have written about 600 new words today. I sadly did have to remove some words from elsewhere that made little to no sense. Ahhh, the insanity. Well the night is young, and I am sure I will format/write more.

Writing while sleeping, well almost . . .

I don't know if anyone has ever tried it (and no I don't quite mean literally, but close to it). It works for me, at least. It's those few minutes when I am about ready to fall asleep, my subconscious takes over and an amazing thing happens: ideas, creativity, connections. I used to do this a lot in college when writing essays. In college, I went so far as laying down on my stomach, eyes closed and just let my fingers move. Finding something new to say about literature that has been around forever is hard, if not impossible. I used my subconscious to help make connections that my conscious self wouldn't find. My mind does this all the time as I drift off to sleep anyway. I have dream-like thoughts that go beyond typical thoughts and form pictures similar to a full blown dream, but I am not quite asleep. If I try and control the direction of the thoughts, then I can work on whatever it is I was trying to work on. It helps with writer's block, as long as I at least have a starting point. I used this technique last night to try and piece together memories my character had of her childhood. They are obviously vague (as so many of my childhood memories are). They are shaped by her perceptions of the world as a child, and she has to go back at them as her adult self to begin to piece together their true meanings. I may use this technique tonight in order to continue this exploration of a fictional character's childhood memories.

Confused.

Well I started out doing awesome with my writing goal, but it didn't last too long. I was going back and filling in details that are vital to the story, but I started to get confused about what happened when. I have been trying to sort out how I can sort it all out once and for all. I knew what I wanted, but didn't know how to do it. If I was a computer genius I could simply make a program to do it. However, I am not, BUT I did figure out a normal people way to keep track of everything. I will make a timeline on my office wall with painters tape and sticky notes. Who doesn't love sticky notes? This way, I will be able to add info above, below or beside as needed without needing to completely re-do my timeline. Also, if I need to see where something fits into the plot, I can just look at the wall, and voila. Downside: the sticky notes may fall off the wall. I will be on the hunt for super sticky, but not too sticky sticky notes tomorrow. I have a bunch of boring yellow ones, but I am sure they will fly all over rather than stick to the wall. I will update this once I have begun my sticky note time line extravaganza.

No one is perfect.

So I kinda slacked off yesterday and the day before. Like, I didn't write at all. Monday, I was in a bad mood for reasons that deal with lawn sculpting equipment and my lack of knowledge on how to properly use them. Tuesday, well, I don't really have a good excuse except I didn't feel like it. However, I did write a decent amount today. It doesn't make up for two days, but I did write 1,348 words. I wrote in two shifts today. I think it was a good way to go about writing over my goal, which I did intend to do today.

Another solid day!

Today I wrote near 1000 words, 9?? to be almost exact. I could have finished the word goal, but I finished what I was working on and wasn't mentally ready to start a new section. I will go there tomorrow.

The last few days I have been filling in a section that was lacking, I have a few more things to touch on there and then I will once again not be sure where to go next. I feel the section beyond what I've been working on lately is full of interesting detail and emotion, but after that is open ended forever. I do have a few things that as I went back and added detail, I learned will happen later, but so much of it is a mystery to me.

Thank you followers. You are keeping me honest when it comes to my writing goals. Even if you never say anything, just knowing that you know makes me want to stick to it.

I did it again!

Today I got to 1056 words! I could have done more, but then I got distracted by the TV and Dogs 101. Dakota (my German Shepherd) is quite intrigued, which is super amusing to watch. I am finally filling in the space that needed to be done when I got stuck months ago, but didn't know what happened. I am slowly learning what happened, and it's so obviously important now.

Exceeds!

Yes, it is true. I have exceeded my goal today with 1245 new words! I think sitting down at the computer a little earlier may have had something to do with it. Go me!

I think I can, I think I can . . .

Chug, chug, chug. Today, I wrote 990 words. A good start to my average 1,000 word a day goal. I could have done better, but I finished The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins today. I couldn't put it down and I was happy with how it ended. I hope someday I have a book that people can't put down and they like how it ends. Kudos to all the authors that can do that, I hope to someday join your ranks.

I write best at night. I always have. In college, I used to go to Drake Library, lock myself (literally) in one of the small, individual rooms in the upper level of the library and write. I would drink a Sobe adrenaline rush and block out distractions. I don't see that drink around too much. I look for it often, because it was one of the few energy drinks that tasted delish.

Tomorrow the dream contiues

Back from NY and ready to write!

The past couple weeks I have been visiting family and friends back home in NY with little to no time or space to write. I did get a couple pages out, but nothing too special. I did have a lot of good things happen while I was in NY. My sister in law had a baby: Mariah Josephine, making me a proud aunt to two gorgeous nieces! My cousin Kristina had her wedding shower and bachelorette party - fantastic times had there! I got to hang with family, have hot dogs and other killer bbq food, and I even added an extra dog to the mix - temporarily. I am dog sitting my mom's long haired tea cup Chihuahua for July.

I got back a couple nights ago, after a crazy drive back that began we me locked my keys in the car while it was running and the dogs were inside, followed by having to detour around a 4th of July parade after getting off an exit for gas, and driving through a hail storm going about 10 mph. Yesterday was my day as rest, relaxation, and lawn mowing (aka sweating my skin off). Today, I continue to write.

I wrote about 750 words. Not fantastic, but surely better than nothing. I know I need to pick up the pace if I have any hope of finishing my novel-in-progress. I am currently 81 pages in. I want to set a reachable goal. I punched out the stuff tonight in about an hour. Maybe try for 7000 words a week. It seems lofty, considering how long it has taken me to get where I am, but it doesn't seem unreasonable. We shall all see how well I stick to my new goal. Wish me luck and thanks for reading/following! :)

Change in plans.

So I finally decided that I was going to just keep the title to the story I was going to submit and deal with it, but last minute another story I wrote caught my eye in my "writing" folder and I read through it. I had to hold back a couple tears and decided I would send that one instead. I like the title better, but other than that, I'm not too sure why I sent it instead. Hopefully it was a good decision. Only time will tell. I have been writing faithfully for my novel. Also today I started a memoir that deals with a certain time in my teenage years. I'm not sure if it will amount to anything more than a personal cleansing, I guess only time will tell. Taylor Swift's song, "Mean" got me going with it. I'm not even sure that it actually is relevant, except the word mean. Anyway, only time will tell if it's worth cleaning and sending.

In reading news, I recently finished the Ender's Game quartet for the second time. I sincerely love everything Orson Scott Card. It was his writing that really made me love Science Fiction and want to write it. I am going to re-read the Ender's Shadow quartet also, but first I am reading The Hunger Games Trilogy, by Suzanne Collins. It was recommended to me by a co-worker and is good so far.

I am sincerely happy right now to have the time to read and to write. Sometimes I don't think people understand that I need an open mind to write, or that reading will help me get a better understanding of how plot, character and form fit together. Well, it's time to pick up my book and a glass of wine. Night.

Problem of the day . . . of always

Titles. I can never figure out what to title stories. I always give things working titles so I remember what they are as I am writing them. However, working titles are simply cheesy and not thought out, and yet I rarely change the title once I'm done. So the question of the day, or possibly the century is this: how do you choose a title? I tried the obvious to solve my dilemma. I looked at books on my shelf and thought about why they are titled the way they are. Some obviously tell you what the book is about, some give the theme, some are simply one word, like Pastwatch (Orson Scott Card), others are long, like the short second life of bree tanner (Stephenie Meyer). How does an author choose? How do I choose? I want it to grab attention, because I admit to often choosing books based on title, cover, and referral so I expect others to do the same. Since no one has read my stuff before and it's a short story with no cover art, I need a killer title. On that note, if anyone reads this and has any idea at all about ways to choose titles, please comment. I am lightly begging. Thanks. Till next time.

. . . and then it hit me!

So I've mentioned that I have been working on a novel, recently I've come to realize that parts of it aren't flowing the way I want. I feel like it's too quick and things won't make sense to whomever may or may not someday read it because while the back story of my characters is in my heart (or wherever a writer keeps the soul of their characters) the reader won't understand their motivations. I have come up with a new idea (besides the obvious of editing it and adding more "now" material where necessary). I am going to include inserts or chapters of flashback setting up where life started and how relationships changed. Where it starts, in medias res, is perfect (I think), but with that (and I should have known this) I need to clue the reader into everything else. So here's to writing all of the inserts and the more difficult task of coherently inserting them into what I already have. After that and some careful expansion/editing on my part, the scarier and more challenging part will come: what to do with it. That, honestly, is probably still a while down the road. My goal: (and I can't believe I am sharing this with everyone who may or may not read this, but I would like you to hold me to it) Is to finish at least a rough cut of the (first?) novel by the end of the year and (maybe) have a clue where I need to go from there. Crazy.

Getting back in the swing of (some) things . . .

writing, to be exact, and everything that goes with it. Last night, after I blogged, I submitted a story that I wrote specifically for a literary magazine, 5x5. They have themes, which I always have a hard time with. Specifically, I have a hard time with taking things too literally, I think. However, I'll never get better if I don't try to, and who knows maybe they will like it. Anyway, I haven't ever read the magazine (yet - I do plan to subscribe to it soon) but they deal with concise fiction (under 500 words). I like writing short short stories because I like quick and dirty satisfaction (please don't read into that). I have submitted a few things to literary magazines that specialize in "flash" fiction; I have been rejected by all of these too. The last one stung a bit, because I love the story, Rob laughed at the story (a reaction of any nature to fiction from him is a compliment), and I am sure someone else out there will like it too. I just have to find the right someone.

I was thinking about my writing last night and my style and I realized a few things.
1. When I write about myself I often write in the third person. It allows me to disconnect from my feelings a bit. It makes what I say sound less whiney and makes me less vulnerable because I am not saying the words "me" or "I"
1a. With that said, some of what I write that seems fiction, is often quite real.
2. When I make truly make a plot up, I enjoy writing in first person. It helps me feel closer to my characters, becoming part of them in a weird, loving way.
3. Combining one and two means that I tend to blend non-fiction and fiction in such a way that sometimes I don't know how to categorize it.
4. My flash fiction can read like poetry because when I write something authentic, poetic devices flow from my fingers.
5. I should have been more self assured in college so I would have asked my writing professors more questions about the best places to publish and a whole other assortment of useful questions.
6. If I were more self assured, I would ask them now

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Speaking of college professors, I friended one of my favorites on facebook a while ago, James Whorton. He wrote a book titled Frankland, that I was made to read for another class at the college. I loved his class, Advanced Fiction Workshop and his book was pretty good too. Both taught me about character authenticity, a subject I feel very strongly about. He also has a new book coming out, that I just pre-ordered: Anglea Sloan . Anyway, I mention him here not because of college so much as his Facebook post about a call for submissions to a literary magazine that he helps edit. It seemed serendipitous since I had started to really get back into writing that very night. So that is something else I am working on in the next few weeks.

On another note, the word blog is not recognized in the Microsoft dictionary. I think it’s time someone update it. Oh wait, I can update my version!

It's time.

With the school year so close to being over, my brain has a bit of free space in it for creativity. The good news is, that should be true for a good long while, seeing that this was my third and final year of teaching High School Special Education. How I came to this job is a story in itself, shocking perhaps, interesting, maybe, but most definitely lacking in creativity. I always felt like I was swimming in the middle of the ocean with no shore in sight. I could see a raft, but every time I almost could reach it, a big wave would come and push it away again. Maybe that's just the way life goes, as a matter of fact it might be. Now that I am free from the brain numbing monotony that is Special Education paperwork, I am going to head back to the goal I first pondered in 8th grade -- getting something published/someone that doesn't personally know me reading and liking my work. So far, and I forgot to write about this as soon as the latest time happened, my writing has been rejected three times. Not a lot considering. I just keep trying to tell myself that my writing is fantastic, these people reading it are the crazy ones, and some day they will be sorry that they can't say my writing was published first with them. (Hey with a goal like this you need to have a little bit of conceit.

So back to writing daily, editing randomly, submitting more often that ever before, studying for the GRE, painstakingly waiting for a rejection, and putting myself out there. I will be updating more often and hopefully someday sharing some good news.

Camping

Oh you may think that camping has nothing to do with writing and if you think that it's ok, but you are WRONG! The relaxation associated with camping is out of this world, at least for me. I have run into a lot of people lately who I tell them Rob and I are going camping and they crinkle up there nose and give me a look like they are sorry my husband drags me along. But that is so very far from the truth. While Rob likes to camp, I am the one suggesting that we go camping and making the reservations! It's my thing, and has been since I was a very little girl. Yes, there is a little bit of set up, of course there are bugs, and yes we are outside all day and in just a tent at night. Rob and I have sprung for a pretty nice air mattress and we got a Coleman instant tent that is big enough to sleep 8! No, there are not 8 of us, but the mattress takes up one side, and the dogs do well at claiming the other. Anyway, once we are set up, there is a lot of down time. No TV or Internet to distract us from each other or the book we are reading. It allows time for our minds to wander, to stare at the campfire, and to be together without so many distractions. I love the hiking, fresh air, smell of campfire smoke, taste of food cooked over a campfire/charcoal --YUM! I like the freedom to not do my hair straight or have dirt on me (which is my trademark as soon as I set foot outdoors). AND . . . to top it all off when we get home, I will feel refreshed (for a little while anyway). I have seriously joked with Rob that I would spend my whole life camping if it were possible. It probably is not, but a girl can dream!

When we get back, my soul will be free and able to write. Until I get busy with teaching, Rob deploying, and other things that cramp life. Once summer hits, I will head up to home (where it will be significantly cooler) and camp some more! AND in turn free my mind to write some more.

I took my own advice.

After whining two days ago about not being published and being scared of sending stuff out. I sent a story that I love out to an online magazine that I recently found that blows my mind (in a good way); www.thediagram.com. I also wrote a 2584 word pre-teen/YA story based on a dream that I had last night. It's the second dream I have had in the past week that falls in the category of utterly original and interesting YA story. They were both so vivid. I love that even when I am asleep my mind is churning out new material for me. I began to write the other one, but it is not complete just yet. I also wrote a couple of poetic type pieces that are sure to offend, but I am excited about. The one is completely indistinguishable, unless of course you were there. Maybe I will be like Mark Twain and not allow some stuff I write to be published until 100 years after my death. That is unlikely. As long as I am dead, we shall be good, but then I will not be able to see my success, which I so desperately want. I have a lot of thoughts and a few things written down that are controversial. Some ideas I never even knew were controversial, like evolution. I never even thought that people didn't believe in it. Like maybe not all the way, or maybe they don't understand it, or maybe even be skeptical, but to just not believe at all, I had no idea. (So sorry if I offended, I really had no idea). On the positive side of offense, I did have a professor in college tell us in a Creative Writing 101 type class that if we can get a book on a banned book list we would be set because then everyone will want to read it to see why it was banned. So maybe I should be controversial. I guess I may be anyway.

Stories

When my fingers hit the keyboard often a story comes out that never crossed my mind before. Then the problems begin. My first problem is when to end a story, I sometimes try to tie it up into a neat little bow, concerned that my reader won't get the point. I guess if they don't get the point, then it's not a good story. My second problem is I write something, I think it's a great idea, then I'm scared to send it to the intended recipient or worse have no idea where to send it. I want to send out something good, that will surely get published. I know if I don't put myself out there I will never see anything I write in print, but I don't want to waste anyones time either. I guess I need to go back and fix my problems and stop whinning on here. Not that many people read it anyway.

"It's fear of being afraid that frightens me more than anything else."

The title quote is by Jerome Cady off of today's quote of the day from www.dictionary.com. The title quote also sums me and my attitude toward writing up perfectly. BUT, I am trying to work through that. So I have been searching for ways to break out of my writing shell. I have recently included another friend in my small group (now two) of readers to critique my work. They both are fantastic friends who I know have very different views and will be an awesome help to me. Also today I discovered a writing group in Savannah, called the Savannah Writer's Group (SWG). Fancy that. They meet the second and forth Tuesday of every month at 7pm at the Books a Million in Savannah. I am committing on my blog to attend April 12 at 7pm. I am afraid of being afraid, and I am afraid of first impressions because until I get to know people I am very quite and reserved. This gives the wrong impression of me because in reality I am a glass is half full type of girl.

Word of the day: kismet. My sentence: My kismet is to become a well known author. Thanks www.dictionary.com for another awesome word!

Internship

I just sent an email out to the editor of an online magazine looking for interns. It's an unpaid internship, BUT who cares! I would have the opportunity to learn about publishing from someone who has actually published something and maybe, just maybe have something that I have written in front of peoples eyes! We will see, I will keep this posted if anything interesting happens.

I also had a dream the other that was so vivid I started writing it down. When I started writing, it seemed more like a kids story than an adult fiction story, which is fine, but I just hadn't expected it. We'll see where that goes.

Overwhelmed

As the school year creeps to an end, I think more and more of my future career(?) goals. I feel like I am dreadfully behind in the grand scheme of things. The program I want to get into accepts less than 10% of it's applicants, most that are accepted had an undergrad GPA of 3.7 ( I had a 3.5) and got a 600 on the GRE (whatever that means). I went to the GRE website and found out they are changing the testing and scoring, so now I really don't know what score to aim for.

I also will need three letters of recommendation, preferably from college professors familiar with my writing skills. I am also freaking out about this because I have always been under the impression that I was not particularly memorable, and sadly have little faith that anyone would remember how I wrote if they even remembered me. Woe is me I suppose. My idea is maybe attend a couple of writer's conferences and be impressive and memorable. (?)

And the writing. I am trudging along on my story/novel; which I am still in love with, confused with, and frustrated by. At times it impresses me that I wrote it, but then I think maybe I have bad taste and am vain.

I guess for now I will just keep studying, keep writing, and keep the dream alive. Come summer I will sign up for the GRE and see how I do.

I wrote a poem.

I also found another free online lit mag that I like. Diagram: http://www.thediagram.com/ It too has quite a bit of poetry which is intriguing. It has stories which read like poems and poems like stories. I, at times, enjoyed reading the submission guidelines more than the stories themselves. I will look for another few possible places to submit tonight. The next few to look at on my list are: Lumina, Nervous Breakdown, 580 Split, Caketrain and Lifted Brow.


Word of the day: rubicund (adj) Inclining to redness; ruddy; red. www.dictionary.com
Like my dad's beard (before it was gray) was rubicund. (?) I often am awful at using newly learned words correctly in sentences. I have an even worse time deciding if other people (namely students) use newly learned words correctly. Ugh, I can't wait until I no longer live everyday in high school English classes.

I was going to add the quote of the day from www.dictionary.com but it was lame. A good song, but not worth it in my opinion.

I have not done very well on my goal this week. I wrote only 77 words today in my poem. Maybe I'm not done yet. However the rest of the week wasn't that great either. I will keep up my goal, I can still only go up.

Back to Writing

Teaching high school has burnt me out, making it impossible for my imagination to flow. At the end of the day, it's all I am able to do to make dinner and veg. BUT, this weekend my husband Rob and I went camping and it was completly cathartic. I came home with not only the need to write but the desire. I am starting slow, with a goal of 100 words per day. It's an easy goal, which means I should have no trouble meeting it and success leads to success(i hope).

I also had an idea to use a set of playing cards to write random prompts on them and then if I can't decide what to write, I could pull from the deck. I tried them out tonight, I got: "Make up a superhero"
So here it is:


Superhero: Edit-TOR
Powers: the uncanny ability to ALWAYS know when a writer needs someone to read their work and offer an honest critique and good advice
Appearance: Sophisticated black framed glasses, gray pants, button down shirt with sleeves rolled up and a loose tie. Face: chiseled, no facial hair, supple brown eyes, long lashes, soft lips. Body: lean and muscular like a Ken doll.
Can be found: libraries, book stores, book readings, signings, book clubs, writer’s workshops, a cabin by a pond
Side kick: Grammar-A-TOR (knows all grammar rules and how to correctly break them)
Mentor: Diction-know-OR (knowledgeable in ALL words, their meanings, synonyms and antonyms.




On one level I think it's super lame, but I wish he existed. I could really use him, and what writer couldn't?

I also have been looking up places to try and place my writing. While looking, I found an online lit mag, it is free to read and has great stuff in it. It's called La Petite Zine, site:
http://www.lapetitezine.org/index.htm Maybe someday they'll publish my stuff. It seems like a lot of poetry, but super engaging poetry. It almost makes me wish I could write poetry. Maybe my college professor made me feel like I was bad, to make me better. Maybe I'm not that bad of a poet. Maybe I should try? That question is for another day. Anyway, a lot of the writer's published on the site had previous publications in lit magazines and their own books. I guess everyone has to have their stuff published somewhere first. Right?

Word of the day: Bailiwick (noun) - a person's specific area of knowledge, authority, interest, skill, or work. www.dictionary.com