Synopsis?

It's harder to write about my novel that it was to write the damn thing. I want to bang my head against my metal desk and listen to my grey matter squish out of my ears and flop on the ground. (and poke my eyes out with the scissors). The craziest thing: it's effort for all the rejection letters I will get. Maybe I should just write myself a rejection letter and get on with writing the next novel.

Here it goes:

Dear Ms. Morris,

We regret to inform you that your novel entitled, (Whatever the final title will be), is not a good fit for our agency/publishing company. First, it's not Science-fictiony enough. We are looking for aliens with green skin, teleportation devices, and flying saucers. Second, your characters have stupid names and worse characterization. Third, your synopsis sucked, therefore, your writing must as well. Fourth, we don't like your name. It's simply not publishable. Fifth, we are honestly not sure where you live since your query was mailed from one state, your synopsis from another and your phone number is from neither. Sixth, we don't see where it could go after this. There is simply no potential. Seventh, I have a headache and actually didn't read beyond the first sentence. Eighth, you suck. Ninth, your novel isn't long enough. Tenth, simply put: no one will read it.

We hope we have provided you a clear enough explanation of why you and your writing are not a good fit for us. Feel free to submit again, when you get a clue.

Sincerely,

Some evil witch who hates all life

Ok, now that I have written the worst rejection letter I can think of (to myself), I feel a bit better. In fact, I highly suspect this will be the most original rejection I receive. (That is not a challenge). But if you are reading this, and planning on rejecting me anyway - go for it.

On that note: back to my synopsis (attempt)